By Marlene Weaver | 04/21/2025
In almost every course I teach in the management program, emotional intelligence (EI) is mentioned or emphasized. It is a basic topic that is covered when we are talking about leadership, motivation, and organizational change. However, I wonder why so many people in the business world do not understand the concept of emotional intelligence and have so many misconceptions about it.
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Encyclopedia Britannica defines emotional intelligence as a “set of psychological faculties that enable individuals to perceive, understand, express, and control their emotions and to discern and respond appropriately to the emotions of others.”
Encyclopedia Britannica then goes on to explain, “Emotional intelligence facilitates thoughts and actions that take emotions into account – including the use of emotions to motivate oneself or others or to pursue long-term goals – and it underlies the successful exercise of social and communicative skills across a broad range of life experiences.”
Redefining What It Means to Be Emotionally Intelligent
If I had the task of rewriting the Encyclopedia Britannica’s definition of emotional intelligence, I would most definitely include more in the first sentence than just emotions. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand human actions and emotions and react to them professionally. At the same time, emotional intelligence involves:
- Motivating and regulating social situations
- Delivering fair feedback
- Making solid decisions
However, emotional intelligence does not mean you are a person solely ruled by your emotions. I would contend that the use of the word “emotional” in EI causes people to believe that high emotional intelligence means you are overly emotional, which is very far from the truth about emotional intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence Is Not Just About Emotions
People with high emotional intelligence are not highly emotional because they can control their emotional state, regardless of a situation. Some of my students have said, “My leader has too much emotional intelligence and cannot adequately deliver negative feedback or make quick decisions. He is just trying to make everyone happy.”
If a leader cannot deliver negative feedback with grace and fairness, then that leader has low emotional intelligence. Unfortunately, many focus on just the word “emotional” in emotional intelligence and there lies the problem.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage ourselves and our relationships. People with high emotional intelligence not only know how to manage their own feelings but they also understand, motivate, and effectively interact with others.
Common Misconceptions about Emotional Intelligence
In my courses, I often use a video called “Too much emotional intelligence is bad.” Although I do not agree with the video’s author or its content, I use this video because it sparks great conversation. I ask my students to watch this video, tell whether they agree with it, and give me the reasons why they agree with the content of the video or not.
At least half of my students agree with the video’s statement that too much emotional intelligence is bad. They say that high emotions result in indecision and a lack of self-control.
However, it later becomes clear that they have obviously not read the weekly lecture or the reading assignment that explains the real meaning of emotional intelligence. They simply see the words “high” and “emotional” together and assume that highly emotional people are dangerous.
Can You Have Too Much Emotional Intelligence?
Some people have proposed that anyone with high emotional intelligence can be manipulative, overbearing, arrogant, complacent, and overly emotional. However, it is my opinion that if people have all these traits and cannot communicate effectively, they most definitely are not emotionally intelligent people and cannot use their emotions constructively. Similarly, anyone who seeks to please everyone does not have good emotional intelligence skills.
The Four Domains of Emotional Intelligence
Can someone who is emotionally intelligent be an effective leader? Author and psychologist Daniel Goleman observes that there are four domains of emotional intelligence:
- Self-awareness – being able to understand yourself and others, knowing your abilities and weaknesses, and having self-confidence
- Self-management – managing stressful situations effectively, staying in control of your own emotions and personal relationships, adapting to unusual situations, and remaining trustworthy
- Social awareness – understanding both personal and professional relationships while meeting customer expectations, even if you experience emotional struggles
- Relationship management – developing good negotiating techniques and effective communication while influencing, inspiring, and developing others
Ideally, good leaders should not only strive to become emotionally intelligent people but also master these four domains.
The Link Between Effective Leadership and EI
Emotionally intelligent leaders are disciplined and have self-awareness. They know what to say, how to say it, when to act, and when to take the back seat, and that is why they are effective leaders.
Emotionally intelligent people are not soft, and they can deliver negative feedback effectively and fairly. They are liked by others, they are charismatic, and they are able to show empathy, but their goal is not to please everyone. They are mentally tough, remain self-motivated, and can hold their distressing emotions in check when needed.
The goal of these emotionally intelligent people is to be fair-minded, trustworthy, and graceful in the everyday chores of leadership. When there is uncertainty, they show the ability to adapt to change and move forward, which ultimately means they are great leaders.
Changing the Definition to ‘Leadership Intelligence’
If I had the opportunity, I would redefine “emotional intelligence” and use a more well-rounded term like “leadership intelligence.” I would define leadership intelligence as having a set of qualities that allows leaders to:
- Understand themselves
- Understand others
- Act quickly and decisively when necessary and use effective team communication
- Deliver negative feedback in a way that motivates subordinates to improve their work performance
Having high leadership intelligence would be a positive quality for leaders. The more leadership intelligence that you have, the better leader you can be.
Developing Emotional Intelligence and Hiring Effective Leaders
Many of us have heard about the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), which defines 16 different personality types. These tests do not measure emotional intelligence, but they can be useful in the hiring process.
If you are in human resources and looking for the right type of manager for your organization, for instance, you might want to hire someone who has empathy, charisma, enthusiasm, confidence, motivation, and social skills. These qualities might be represented by an introverted, intuitive, thinking and perceiving (INTP) candidate or an extrovert, intuitive, feeler, and judger (ENFJ) candidate.
Every workplace is different, and every organization requires a different leadership style for success. But what we do know is that all leadership styles should be backed by emotional intelligence, which should be considered when a manager of direct reports is hired.
Each position and each selecting official may have a different idea of which of the 16 personality types may fit best in their organization. MBTI results, along with an interview and a solid resume, are all tools that reveal the true person and the best fit for the job.
I contend that leadership begins with our innate personality and is developed over time with experiences, education, and lifestyle. Unlike an intelligence quotient (IQ) that remains somewhat stable throughout life, emotional intelligence can be learned and improved over time. As our emotional intelligence and technical skills improve with practice, then our leadership abilities become better as well.
Business Degrees at American Public University
For adult learners who are interested in upskilling their abilities and learning how to become more effective business leaders, American Public University (APU) offers a set of degrees:
- An online Associate of Arts in Business Administration
- An online Bachelor of Arts in Business
- An online Bachelor of Arts in Business Administration
- An online Master of Business Administration
Courses in these programs feature a range of topics, such as leading in the technology age, principles of supervision, critical thinking strategies for business decisions, and operations research. Other courses include leadership and motivation, organizational change, and strategic management.
All of these degrees have specialty accreditation from the Accreditation Council for Business Schools and Programs (ACBSP®). This accreditation is the result of meticulous work by examiners to ensure high academic quality of the courses in these degree programs.
For more details, visit APU’s business and management degree program page.
ACBSP is a registered trademark of the Accreditation Council for Business Schools and Programs.
